healing grief through ayahuasca

Well here we are!

After some of the hardest months of my life, I can officially say that I’ve made it through to the other side! Not to say I still don’t or won’t have my share of lessons, but I can ultimately say that, at least for the time being, I have completed some important cycles and am moving on to the new. 

In typical Lyndsay fashion, everything seems to have pulled together just before my birthday, leading me to reflect on the year I’ve had. (I think the last time I wrote a blog post I really enjoyed was this time last year also) 

It’s funny, usually when I approach a birthday I feel all sorts of guilt around productivity. Have I achieved enough? Am I worthy of celebration? 

This year, after navigating two sets of grief, living in a house during renovations, dealing with some intense control drama in my life, experiencing loneliness then coming out the other side, sitting a kambo ceremony, sitting two ayahuasca ceremonies, all the while managing to do this while not losing the light in my heart (even though I felt close at times) not to mention still writing poetry, posting on my instagram and just generally being an active member on the scene, I can absolutely say yes, I fucking did enough, and yes, I deserve to be celebrated. Sometimes, if you don’t advocate for yourself, no-one else will. 

Today I want to share with you my podcast on ayahuasca. 

It really needs no introduction, as I really feel I go “in” on the episode!

You can listen to it here: (trigger warnings are included at the start)

If you’re interested in hearing a little bit about my thought patterns beforehand, I’ve included below two blog posts that I didn’t quite feel right about hitting “publish” on at the time. These were right when I was wrestling with some heavy feelings. I didn’t feel out of the woods, and I didn’t want to speak on my situation without more clarity.

I can tell you now that I have it.

They are messy and minimally edited, think of them as journal entries. 

I can’t wait to hear how you found the podcast! 

Lyndsay xo

Entry 1

Currently, I have felt there to be a big gap between who I am and who I want to be. Perhaps I’m holding myself to too high a standard, or perhaps (and I feel this may more closely resemble the truth) I am slightly afraid of raising up a level. But either way, I have been feeling this gap, like I can see a more aligned version of myself just dangling in front of me, yet there appears to be a fog, a haze, or a pane of glass preventing me from getting closer.

Recently, I have been holding myself back a lot. Perhaps due to fear, fear of over-exertion, fear of ridicule, fear of getting my heart broken. I have slowly backed away into the comfort of my house, nestled myself inside four walls, into routine and monotonous conversations. The other week as I was falling asleep, I reached over to grab my journal and wrote “I feel like I’m losing my wild” I’ve seen many people write about this concept before, especially women but it’s not something I understood to be a huge problem for me. Maybe because I’ve often equated travel with freedom, and travel has always been where I’ve found my freedom in the past. But here I am, feeling wholeheartedly “tamed”, “domesticated” or, dare I say it, “boring”. 

I’ve felt there is this better version of myself just dangling in front of me. I feel lately I have been making things too complicated, getting so caught up in matters of the mind and so unwilling to just tune into the here and now. Often everything you are seeking already exists within; peace, unity, serenity, freedom. It is all within. How many times have we read that? But how many times have we actually internalised it, how many times has it truly prompted us to tune in to the paradise within our own hearts? I truly believe that heaven exists on earth, and it is up to us to actualise it. We are so much more powerful than we have been led to believe. 

I did not expect this piece to be so joyful, but it is. Perhaps because that is what a lot of us are missing. 

I have so many goals for future me, so many hobbies I want to take up, so many things to learn, training to enrol on, I’ve wanted to step into this new, improved version of myself for so long. 

In the future, I see myself taking in the sunshine in new and exciting places, connecting with like-minded people, eating and drinking fresh and local, taking part in rituals, in training, developing my spiritual abilities and connecting to spirit. I hold this vision so clear in my head, that when I feel myself snowed under by the tasks that come with existing in the modern world, I feel frustrated because I know something else is possible. I know this alternate version of life is available to me. I know that I am supposed to be in this part of the world for the time being, but sometimes it all just feels hopeless. 

Entry 2

I didn’t think I’d be sitting back here so soon writing this entry.

Over Christmas I spoke about feeling down and un-centred. After a really bleak, strange and synchronistic few weeks, I ended up facing my inner resistance and answering a call to sit with ayahuasca. A big topic I know and not one that I thought I was prepared to speak about online (especially being pre-ceremony which I currently am) but I offer this information to give context. I was lucky enough to find a beautiful centre and to even be shown around with the idea that once I am able to, I will return to this place and spend four days in retreat. 

The reason why I speak on this is because once I felt the pull, answered the call and said yes; a lot of things in my life started to fall into place and propelled me to this moment. I started feeling really good about my friends, I felt really good about myself, the feeling of creativity returned and that heavy feeling in my chest seemed to have lifted. I think the return of the sun also had something to do with this; seeing the first few snowdrops of the year felt quite magical, especially since reading about their symbolism. Ultimately, since saying “yes” internally to this medicine, my life started to shift in unexpected ways, and I felt like things were speeding up.

If you have followed the past few posts on here, or listened to my Podcast (I say that word really lightly – think of it as a very long voice note to a friend) or even if you know me personally, you would know that the last few years of my life have really centred around death. Without going into it in too many ways (because I’m holding off till I can do a big explanation that wraps it all up) it was showing up in my relationships, in my work, in my living situation, in the mood of others around me, in anxiety, in panic attacks, in just a general feeling and also in the physical reality of actually losing a few people. For a while, it really felt like death was all around me. 

There’s so much I can say on this topic because I truly don’t feel like death is as bad as we think. I’m lucky that I have a few people around me who also feel the same and who are prepared to talk about this with me. Since having quite a profound experience on 5meo dmt once (again, something I never ever speak about online) I actually really came to learn that death is one of the most beautiful things that will ever happen to us. The realm where we travel to during death is peaceful. Sorry if that sounds morbid. I know this is a complex and layered topic. I am simply trying to organise the thoughts in my head and speak only about my lived experience. 

This week felt synchronistic, even though a lot of it was tumultuous. Maybe it’s not even important for you to know exactly what occurred. Some of the things that happened had seemingly no relation to one another and yet, somehow I know that they were all laced with meaning. 

It felt like the sort of week you would write about, the sort of week that would somehow work it’s way into a novel. 

So while the weekend saw me sitting my first solo cacao ceremony in a long time, Monday happened to be our last Scribble & Stretch in the series (the yoga and writing class I’ve been running) and of course, it was the one we felt we’d got the most “right” I have loved working with my friend Sarah on this and we were actually joking about how natural we felt while preparing for class and how “second-nature” this has all become. 

Attribute it to the heart-opening weekend I’d had, or attribute it to the heart opening yoga Sarah had prepared but I really felt myself go deep within the session and I felt an internal shift. Not to toot our own horns, but I know we ran a powerful session because we felt it too and I certainly felt it within my own heart. 

The next two days were quite synchronistic in good and bad ways, the most significant part being quite a traumatic event, in which I (mistakenly) thought that I had lost a friend. 

To preface; few weeks ago, a beloved friend and poet from Birmingham named Leon took his own life. Since then, I have found myself in a hazy blur of feelings. Due to not knowing him too well, I almost felt guilty for mourning. Living in a house that belonged to someone who’s passed really serves as a reminder to Leon (and any death) but in the best way, as I think it’s important we process our feelings. Although sad, I feel like this new death was a breaking point for me and actually one of the catalysts that led me to decide to sit with ayahuasca, in order to better understand my own fears around death.

This recent loss, coupled with some memories of other people throughout my life meant that when a close friend of mine seemingly went missing, I found myself mentally preparing for the worst. I’m not sure how many people have had to experience first hand what it’s like to physically search for someone but I sincerely hope you don’t have to. An occurrence that turned into a nightmare (luckily all was fine in the end) led to a day of feeling completely overwhelmed, exhausted and numb and now, two days later I’m able to start to pick that experience apart. 

I spoke to a good friend of mine today, someone who is also mourning Leon and they really reminded me of the importance of rest. Without knowing him too well I almost felt like I wasn’t entitled to take this time to repair myself, but clearly his passing has had an effect on me and it’s important now to be gentle. When my grandpa passed, I really felt as though I was so swept up in the planning of the funeral, the house move, the going to see the body that I actively tried to postpone the grief. I didn’t feel like I was in a place to process it so I mentally added it to the to-do list (something I feel happens a lot with grief, especially in this country) I realised during this phone call that with both my Grandpa, my Grandma and Leon, I hadn’t actually ran my own ceremony for them to acknowledge their passing. I think this would be a healthy thing, given how important ceremony and ritual is for me, and I am hoping to be able to do this soon. 

Something I’ve noticed about myself is the feeling of despair I sometimes feel at wanting people to meet me in the depths. Today my friend pointed out that not everyone is as prepared to have uncomfortable conversations as I am. I’ve noticed ex’s of mine say this before, and it’s a sentiment I’ve had echoed to me throughout my life, yet I am only now understanding the power of it. I do believe it’s a power, to hold discomfort so graciously and to become so at home in it. I am not someone who wallows, and anyone who follows me on social media or even who interacts with me day to day would probably be surprised at just how deep and morbid I can go (I’m always described as the ‘sunny one’) but I believe it to be healthy. I believe the reason why I am so balanced, why I am so in love with life is because I give myself permission to go there, to get taken away by my emotions and to stare face-on at the darkness. 

The darkness is a part of life 

I think that’s partly why I am here in this world, to help others do the same. I want my poetry to help people reach their own feelings and I know that sometimes that can make people uncomfortable. I have had partners leave in the past because I feel they weren’t ready for true sincerity or accountability. If you want someone to call you on your bullshit, I am happy to do that in a very gentle way (of course I have my own flaws and still need someone to do the same.)

Earlier on the phone my friend said to me  “You have the habit of making people grow up around you and you grow people into your standards” I feel like it sounds super righteous to say, trust me I have a million and one flaws and in some ways am barely doing the work myself but, it was nice to see this side of myself reflected back. I value myself and I value what I bring to others. I hope it doesn’t seem self involved, there is so much hurt and pain around me and here I am, relating all these things back to myself. But I feel it’s a necessary cycle, it’s only through understanding these topics through the lens of myself that I am able to understand how best I can show up for the people around me. 

I’m happy to have friends who lovingly hold me accountable, who chose to lean further into me during times that challenge our differences of opinion and where we could have quite easily turned away from each other. I’m happy to have friends who are able to sit with me through discomfort, who have no desire to change me but are equally happy to witness me change of my own accord. I’m happy to have people who grow beside me. God, I’m so happy to have the friends I do.

Perhaps eventually, these entries will stop being about death and I will have moved on to another phase or lesson in life. But for now I’m here and despite it all, I’m happy.

Listen to the podcast here:

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mourning my old life

I knew I needed to sit down and write. So long has passed since the last entry and I feel as though I have completed another cycle in my head. Expressing myself through writing feels like the most pure thing in the world to me, it’s as though I am stepping out the way and letting something else take the wheel entirely. Especially through blog posts, maybe because they feel like journal entries to me. 

I am still waiting for my mic to arrive. I am wanting to do more podcasts this year, both where I interview poets and also where I create more personal entries, detailing the trials and tribulations of my year. These past few months, I’ve found myself preferring to use voice notes instead of my usual before-bed journal entries, (the ones typed frantically into the “notes” app on my phone.) The benefit to this is that I’m actually more inclined to play them back, to hear the words my past self deemed important at the time. The interesting thing is, it’s largely the same message whispered again and again in different forms: “you have to make something of your poetry this year.” 

There is truth in that statement, I have so many hopes and goals for my work and I really seem to have a newly acquired, unshakable faith in my abilities to see these through. I suppose the main theme of my life recently should be titled “full circle”. For anyone who’s followed my journey, I moved back to Liverpool from a five year stint in Birmingham roughly 7 years ago. When I arrived, I was hungry for success. I had all the passion and enthusiasm in the world and none of the experience! Well, that’s not entirely true – I’d been writing creatively since I was old enough to hold a pen, and all my experience in terms of higher education and work or vocation had been in the realm of theatre, so making the switch to spoken word wasn’t too far a cry from my normality. However, I didn’t know myself as an artist at this point, and I really had a whole lot of living to do. 

I remember feeling so frustrated during those first few years. It felt like I was trying so many different things and nothing was truly sticking. I envisioned this life for myself where I was able to make a living full-time from poetry and I felt wholly disappointed in myself when I failed to make that happen. 

What I came to learn, though, was that this was all happening in accordance with divine timing. I truly believe that I needed those years at home, I needed time to heal, to write good things, to write bad things, to make mistakes, to fall in love, to get my heart broken and to gain a tonne of transferable skills by working in different jobs that I could one day apply to my approach as an artist.

I’ll go into it in more detail when I record, but a lot of magic lies within those few years and I would love nothing more than to share some of the stories with you. A while ago, I had almost completely re-shaped this dream. Two years ago to be exact, I realised that I wanted to work full-time at my normal job so that I could save up enough money to move away. I saw myself living in the mountains of Guatemala, living in community and doing my poetry in a totally different way. I thought the nomadic lifestyle was going to be my future, so I worked really hard at my normal job and told myself to enjoy all of the benefits that city living had to offer while preparing mentally for the day that this life would become a distant memory. 

When the pandemic happened, I think many of us experienced the feeling of being flung into a completely different reality. I’ve previously mentioned my life completely pivoting at the end of summer, with leaving my job and losing my grandpa, alongside other things. The changes in my situation meant the money I had saved for travelling went towards my living expenses for the four months I would be out of work in The UK. Moving into my late grandpa’s home proved quite the feat and I needed time to be able to do it properly. That money helped to sustain me during a point where working really would not have been the ideal choice. It helped look after me while I wrote and recorded my e.p, while I took part in an artist residency and while I began the murky, wobbly task of trying to pick up the pieces of my life that were torn apart by grief. That money gave me breathing room; instead of trying to slot a whole job in the spaces between renovating a home, I was able to carve space instead for myself and for talking with friends and family.

With this, I had the growing realisation, that maybe I am just meant to be in The UK. Not forever, of course, but definitely while I work on the next phase of what I envision for my poetry. I had almost completely given up on the idea of being able to do my poetry in The UK. I had so many ideas I wanted to execute but so often it seemed to feel like swimming upstream. With gaining this house, it’s like life parted the oceans for me and left a crystal clear path for me to walk in its place. 

The notion often strikes me of just how full circle this experience really is. I came here with an idea, I let myself get swept away with life for a bit, with a new job, with working, with having beers with friends, with dating, with birthdays and celebrations, with a full-on job that saw me invested in something other than my poetry (probably for the first time in my life), and now, I am edging back to what I came here to do. I see none of it as a detour, none of it as waste of time. I simply see the time now as being perfect. I’m armed with so much knowledge this time, so much understanding of myself as a person and so much more patience. I don’t know how exactly I’ve gained it, but I seem to have a faith in myself. I know my projects and ideas will pay off and I don’t know how I know that either. 

A while ago, I felt the sense of mourning my old life. I had a sweet set-up; the trendy old Victorian house, the park, the tattoo appointments, the yoga classes, the ease of transport, the good vegan takeaways, the fact I was right in the middle of everything and the fact that I was young and carefree, living in a rental house, hopping taxis to my “normal person” job in the day and running to friends houses and poetry events at night. This is the first year I’ve had to worry about losing what I perceived to be a sense of excitement, and I’m not sure what the remedy is for that just yet.

My takeaway from this is that I’m ultimately humbled by the fact I had a life so good it is now worth missing. My life was gorgeous and colourful and creative and I’m still not sure what shape my life in this new phase will take. It feels like more of an important transition to me. I think because I associate it with turning 30, I’ve moved out of the city and into the suburbs, something I never thought I’d do, I’m living somewhere that feels so much more mature and focused and yet with that I’m desperately scrabbling for something that can anchor me back to the person I used to be.

I suppose this serves me right for perceiving so much of my external reality as my fixed identity! 

So here I am, arriving at my new life that still has no solid form. I feel like we’re all stood outside this giant egg together, waiting to see what will hatch. I think years from now I’ll look back at this moment and realise how exciting it really was. I think I’ll probably still remember these moments fondly as I’m trying to appreciate whatever season of life I find myself in. When we’re on our deathbed, we’ll pine even for the bad parts of our lives and, while this may seem morbid, I believe it truly helps me to live. 

Expect some changes to this website and to see a lot more of me. We’re changing things around here and I cannot wait to bring you the new and improved version of my brand and my poetry.

Here’s to a fruitful year of stepping into the lives we were meant to create. xo

Currently listening:

𝘯𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴

So I sat down with the idea to summarise the year. What ended up coming out was really a look into the past week I had, although I think there was a reason for that.  I made a voice recording recently that I want to release in the form of a podcast that details more candidly this past year (I recorded it around October.) I also want to do a follow-up because I feel like things have happened since then to add to the story. Otherwise I’ll re-record the whole thing and incorporate both into one long podcast! If you’re interested in my take on the year in general, you can listen to those when they’re out. 

For now, we’re focusing on this week! For the past few weeks I had been feeling really down. I’m not really sure why, I was waking up each morning feeling so wholeheartedly numb inside, or oscillating between that and the polar opposite, crying a lot. Perhaps it was due to the grief I felt around losing my grandpa,(the other day I had to remind myself it has only been around 4 months, although it feels like longer because so much has happened) this would be our first Christmas without him after all. 

If you follow me on Instagram, then it’s likely you’ll know we lost this gorgeous soul at the end of summer. It’s funny because if you look back at my previous blog post, I describe this almost impossibly perfect summer. It was as though I was waiting for the seasons to change, for something to burst the bubble. It was almost as though I knew a change was coming. 

The months that followed were truly some of the hardest I have endured in years. Everything changed, some things for the better, all of it feeling like a whirlwind. 

But back to this week; after a few weeks of feeling so inexplicably unhappy, I realised I had to make a change. It was as though someone turned off the light on Christmas evening, and I became so sad after my family had left and the day returned to “normal”  I noticed my thoughts were spiralling, I was regurgitating the same unhelpful thoughts often and I was observing a lot of judgement and frustration in my head towards others (some warranted, some blown out of proportion) I caught this fairly early on and the other day I decided to have a talk with myself. 

I realised the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing weren’t going to go away and that as much as I can try to deny them, it’s much better to bring them to the light and examine them for what they truly are. Luckily, I have a few things I know I could do to help. I told myself that if I needed to go back to therapy then I could do that. I also used to do a really good online program called Reparent (linked if you want to check it out because I found it so helpful) and that maybe it was time to revisit that. (I’ve felt huge shifts in my personal life when I’ve taken myself through this course in the past) I have a morning routine full of self-care practises that I do very occasionally. I told myself I would bring them back this week. And ultimately, I promised myself I would sit down to do my new years goals and intentions. 

I know new years resolutions get a bad rep within most people. I really do disagree with anything that places emphasis on the aesthetic. I see what the diet industry does to people; they strip away your self esteem in an attempt to sell it back to you. But, but I really do enjoy the odd goal-setting session on my own terms. Despite the arty interests, I am actually a very methodical person. I need to know where I’m headed in life, I need to see the bigger plan, I need to look at my life from a higher perspective in order to better understand the now. Regardless of whether the idea of being this organised turns you off personally or not, this is really what works for me. The other day I sat down to do my goals, I ended up with about 10 pages of notes and let me tell you, the amount of pressure this alleviated was huge. Imagine having this amount of information stored in your head with no outlet. Now it’s on the page I can forget about it and go about my life. To tell you the truth, it doesn’t even matter what’s on there or if I even get there (and to be honest, we really shouldn’t be getting caught up on that part either). What matters to me is that I took a few hours to re-centre and evaluate my life. 

I’m all for flow, trust me, I live most of my life that way, which is why sometimes it’s important to be more practical with plans so the flowing has purpose to it. Thats just how I like to do it at least. 

It would seem that just these few actions, these promises to myself and my ability to tune in, figure out something was wrong and present myself with solutions have already caused me great relief. That’s not to say I won’t follow up with my initial ideas but it is to say that I feel like I’m cultivating a sense of trust within my body and my mind. I feel like I have my back recently and that feels really really nice. I feel like I’m growing into myself. 

Life can be so messy sometimes, and there are so many external influences and distortions. In my home life, I’ve finally started to feel settled. Moving while a blessing, is always stressful, moving into the home of a decreased relative can be equally emotive. It’s also been weird to switch to this idea of “this might be my forever home” and in fact, it’s brought all sorts up within me (imposter syndrome, worrying I’m “selling out” to the “norm” – I wanted a tiny house in the wilderness or to travel forever, worrying that having a nice house in the suburbs will make me less “cool” – wtf – but these are my thoughts?? – I could write a whole post on these thoughts in general) however that said, this house is an absolute blessing and it’s truly where I’m supposed to be. 

Last night, I came to the realisation that I was holding on too tight to life. “When was the last time you let yourself laugh?” I asked myself, “to be joyful?” Life can be so colourful and creative if you let it. Sometimes you just need to get out of your own way. Tonight, I lit the candles, poured myself a glass of wine (which I rarely do), cooked myself a gorgeous meal from scratch and blasted some music. Sometimes it really is the small things to put you back in your body and create joy.

I’m realising this is more of a reflection on my last week than my year but I truly felt this had to come first. This whole year has been a series of stories coming to an end. I’ve seen patterns resurface now that first started four years ago and in many ways I’m starting to feel like those cycles are complete. I am not the same person as I was at the start of 2019. I have grown, I am changing. I am growing now into who I’m supposed to be. I’m walking into this next week, and hopefully the year ahead with clarity and purpose. I have faith in my skills and abilities. 

I have faith in my ability to experience magic on this earth

Hoping to release my little podcast soon, where I speak more openly and candidly on the year (that was recorded around halloween time) and then I’m probably going to have to do a follow-on there and then! 

I have so many goals for this year, so many poems and projects I want to make. I truly believe this is the year for me creatively. I truly believe everything in life that has happened to me was to get me to arrive at this point fully. 

Forever glad for your readership and attention. Thank you for taking an interest in what goes on inside my mind. These blogs always feel so special to me and they always help me figure things out. 

Looking forward to speaking with you much sooner than you think. 

Lyndsay x

Usually I only share one playlist per post, have three:

(not mine but i adore it)

(what I listened to when writing this, kinda different to what I usually listen to) 

(since about October) 

𝒶 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝒸𝓊𝓁𝒶𝓇 𝓀𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝑒𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈

I haven’t written in a while. I think in my heart, I must be old-fashioned because I write these posts as if they were letters to an old friend. Maybe that’s who reads them in my head. I ran away from my feelings a lot during lockdown. Decided that I had done “enough inner-work” and was done working through my triggers for one year fairly early on. I won’t bore you with the details, but as echoed by many of my peers, I feel myself coming out of lockdown a different woman. I largely held it together at the start, rarely panicking, barely even blinking an eye when I was first sent home from work; a semi-apocalyptic feeling running through the city. The heaviness was apparent, and I was of course not exempt from its effects. But, like a true introvert, I found myself taking comfort in the solitude, relishing the stretched out days that rolled ahead like clouds. 

I connected deeper with friends, shared mindlessly silly moments with housemates, called my parents, got teary, got angry, got heavy, got stagnant, got impatient, got exploring. But mostly during lockdown, I worked. I worked the entire time, slowly finding my feet as I went. I felt happy to be able to hold something together and took pride in the idea of being seemingly useful to others. And though there were more than a few days of feeling absolutely stagnant, I felt I was well-suited to working and supporting others practically during this time. For me, the lessons unfolded slowly. I was making sense of the cloud of heaviness that rested upon the city. I was wrestling with self-discipline, sleeping in, eating strangely, scrolling my phone absent-mindedly; willing the burst of creativity and energy to find me. I was in limbo, my least favourite kind of place to be.

What followed was a water fast, a gruelling three days that I should have better prepared for, a bout of wisdom tooth pain that had me bed-bound, and two weeks of working continuously with Bobinsana – a plant found in the amazon that had been suggested to me by a practitioner last year. Supposedly a “heart-healer”, I was more than skeptical of its effects. Imagine my surprise when, on one of my final days of drinking the tea at night, I found the band-aid of an old wound completely ripped off my skin. This sudden realisation led to a messy conversation, a re-establishment of boundaries, a “don’t ever talk to me again”, and a blocking of several people on social media.  An old, festering wound, some deep entanglement and a lot of residual resentment had risen to the surface, finally ready for me to deal with. 

What appeared in its place was a sudden bout of energy. They say we throw out the old to make way for the new, however, I had underestimated my own resilience. I did not think I was strong enough to let go of this particular pebble, did not want the emotional upheaval that would come from airing my feelings, flinched at the perceived “permanence” of it all. However, what was waiting for me on the other side of this test was euphoria, strength, empowerment, a new direction and exploration. I felt like a better person because of it. From a tarot perspective, this would be an ultimate “death” or “tower” card. But far from negative, this had no grief attached, no sadness, only new and improved energy. My very own personal spring. From this “emotional laundry-airing” I gained some creative energy. I had previously been mindful of how much ‘Zoom culture’ I would participate in, favouring instead to dedicate my time to worthy events that were more few and far between. I started to co-host a poetry night, and took great comfort in the sense of camaraderie and routine that it brought. I delighted once again in having group conversations with a purpose behind them.

Around the time of the summer solstice is when things really got interesting. I joined an amateur theatre meet-up and took part in a reading of A Midsummer Nights Dream. I’ve loved acting my entire life and this was the perfect no-pressure environment to do something sheerly for the love of it. I also watched the full performance of AMSND on The National Theatre’s YouTube page, started visiting my favourite gardens more, learned more about foraging and started getting into new music. I can always tell when I’m moving into a new season of my life when I suddenly feel compelled to create a new playlist. They seem to act as markers for me. If a new burst of energy is needed, I’ll go and create a playlist. They help me organise things. 

The “transformation” so many people experienced during lockdown arrived for me, albeit several months in. I moved around the furniture in my bedroom, re-organised my living room, bought more fresh flowers and got really into Kae Tempest’s latest album (amongst many other things) this was around the same time I became aware of my friendships developing. I noticed the people in my life were really able to be a lot more present with me. While deserving a whole post dedicated to them, I don’t really have the time to get into just what my friendships mean to me, or how lucky I feel to have them. What I will say is that I have worked very hard over the last four years especially, to build a support network for myself. I feel incredibly lucky to have multiple people in my life who build me up, who see me for me and who are so readily accessible. After living on the outskirts for so long, I know the isolation that comes from having geographically distant friends. I am truly appreciating just how many people I can call on, and the close proximity of many of them also. 

Significantly, I had a birthday. The feelings that came over me during the days and weeks leading up to my 30th birthday were something I will struggle to describe (although a separate blog post is coming). I can only attempt to paint them as waves of pink-tinted nostalgia; memories of previous summer birthdays, garden flowers and grandparents. Remembering what it is to be small, remembering my childhood, and finally feeling so special and loved, due to the efforts of many. As someone who periodically doesn’t like birthdays, my 30th ended up being really special to me. I woke up, drank coffee, opened presents and cards, listened to folk music, travelled to my hairdresser, who dyed my hair hues of pinks and purples, wore an astrology symbol embellished dress, then a crop top and jeans as I travelled to a trans rights march. We stopped for raw vegan treats, played with my housemates pet rat and walked the forty minutes home in drizzling rain. I saw my parents, who delivered cupcakes, listened to recorded messages from the ones who couldn’t be there and finished my night in a room full of glitter confetti. 

Celebrations aside, I had a creeping feeling that things were too good to be true. “Too many” quiet, uninterrupted nights in my bedroom; “too many” mornings that flew by with no inconveniences; “too many” pain-free work days; “too many” acts of kindness and compliments bestowed to me by friends; “too much” earnest perfection exhibited by the man I’m in a relationship with. I was waiting for it all to curdle. While I do understand that life has many ups and downs, I’m happy to report that there is beauty still unfolding for me. As my birthday celebrations were adamantly stretched out for the entire month, I felt this feeling of serenity linger. At night I’ve taken to mentally listing all the things that make me feel safe, and let me tell you, there is a lot of them. I’m currently feeling so loved, so held, and in such great communication with the people around me. The trips I have been able to take (walks, visits to waterfalls/lakes) with friends have been so special. And I’ve had more positive social interaction these past six months than in recent years. 

A few weeks ago, my wisdom tooth flared up again. It lasted around two weeks and I spent my time mostly in isolation. While the pain was almost unbearable, I also experienced a great deal of solace and clarity. My pain would cause me to wake early, meaning I got to experience sunrises and birdsong. The need to rest allowed me to finally do so without guilt (something I don’t often gift myself). And I was kept company by my favourite series on Netflix, reminding me once again of my love for acting, fantasy and storytelling. I was almost a little sad when the pain eased and the pace of my life picked up again. (Huge gratitude to the lovely dentist that finally agreed to give me an emergency appointment!)

Something I am struggling with is the idea of returning to “normal”. Without going on a huge rant about society and capitalism (although it’s coming), I decided many moons ago that my previous lifestyle of on-the-go food, constant travel, self-medicating with sugar, little time to myself and the daily grind had to go. While I love what I do, I do not love everything that comes with it. The transport, the politics, the weather, the lack of self-care, the lack of true connection that comes with trying to make plans with friends who also don’t have time for self-care, the pollution, the asthma… the list goes on. While I am a city girl at heart, this fast-paced modern lifestyle is not sustainable for me. Previous to COVID, I had been setting my sights on travel, with the emphasis on it being long term.  As a creature of habit, and one who has set up quite a comfortable little life for themselves, the prospect of ripping myself away from all that I have built terrifies me. Finally when I seem to have everything in perfect balance, the house, the location, the proximity to nature, the yoga classes, the friends, the walks in the park, the job that I’m good at, the poetry networks, the family; to leave would seem wrong. However, there is a knowing, something I feel deep within my gut that this level in my life is shortly coming to completion, and that it is time to move onto the next. Nothing is worse to me than stagnation, and I know that what feels like a perfect situation is not supposed to last forever. “There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind”, but how does one grapple with that? How do you allow yourself to be fully here in the present, while knowing that this could all be over in a flash, soon to feel like the remnants of a day dream? 

I don’t know how, but for now I seem to be mastering it.

Soon, things will be changing. But the resounding feeling is that I will likely hold these past few months very dear to my heart in the years to come. I feel like I have been maturing. I will remember the cherry-blossom trees, the wonderful spring, the freshly baked bread, the long days, the creatives I found on social media who peppered my imagination, the short stories I resumed work on, the conversations with my friend about his novel, the book Conversations With Friends, the takeaways, the visiting home finally, the cleaning, the movies. All of it means something.

We are mostly becoming better versions of ourselves.

While my experience was rooted in privilege and, until this month (redundancies), job safety, I acknowledge that this time has been devastating for some people and communities. The impact of the death of George Floyd in particular filled my thoughts entirely (and still does now). Anti-racist work has been a part of my life for almost a decade however, I realised just how quiet I have been in recent years on my social media especially and just how much we have failed the black community. This is not the time or the place for picking apart systemic racism, but it’s something I’m still mulling over daily. People are rightfully angry and there is a lot of imbalance in this world. I’m seeing so much spiritual bypassing, so much closeted racism, transphobia and homophobia that sometimes I think I will never stop screaming. Still, we prevail and move forwards. One day I’d like to share more, but for now, I will continue sharing the voices of the people more in-the-know, over my social media especially. Now is the time to come together. Leave your old mind-frames at the door and greet your fellow humans with unadulterated humility. Now is the time for unity. It might seem idealistic, but I truly see glimpses of a better world and the chance for us to become better people individually. 

In the spirit of this readership feeling like an old friendship, let’s not leave it so long next time.

I wish you so much poetry & beauty.

Lyndsay x

latest playlist

February Snapshot

Things have felt slightly melancholic lately. Over January, you might have noticed I put out a small podcast. I wanted to speak honestly on my feelings around the year. I wanted to provide a real insight. Ironically, I actually listened to it back and noticed just how vague I was being. I re-recorded the podcast and am on the verge of putting it out, hesitating over the fact that maybe this time I have been too honest? Either way, I’ve been doing some reflecting on the year I’ve had, wanting to make sense of it and attempting to package it away neatly. Ultimately, going to Guatemala changed the course of my life and subsequently, my life goals and plans have adapted accordingly.

The other day, I took myself on an art date, much like I would have done years ago when I first started getting into poetry. I walked to an art gallery, I treated myself to a poetry collection (Lord Of The Butterflies by Andrea Gibson), I walked to a sweet little Japanese restaurant and I spent the afternoon reading my book and eating slowly. I can’t really describe what came over me in those moments. I found myself feeling connected to my city for the first time in ages. Gifting myself the quiet, the slowness, giving myself the permission and sheer luxury to take my sense of wonder seriously that day opened my awareness out in a way that I was not expecting. It created room for creativity to flood in. I’ve been enjoying finding my flow lately. After a wintery period of burn-out and overworking, I finally decided to take a step towards balance and agreed to go part time at my current job. Of course, when you are a freelancer, part time really means full time, because you will likely spend your free moments pursuing art or pursuing all the admin that comes with pursuing art. However this welcome change of pace is doing a lot for my creativity. Last year I had many commissions but I started to miss the simple joy of creating work for yourself first and foremost. Now, armed with many new and slightly bruised stories of my own, I am excited to translate some of my wild few years into work that I care about.

I’ve been attending workshops, connecting with other creatives and receiving a tonne of support back in the process. It really is poetry that keeps me going, even in the murkiest of times, even when I have no idea what I’m doing in any other area of my life. Poetry picks me up and adds sense to all my experiences. It carries me through the darkest days and never ceases to surprise me.

I have been loving being on stage recently. I have been picked for some very interesting and thoughtful events. My set feels fresh again because I am putting care back into it. It’s funny, it sounds so cheesy sometimes but there are few places I feel as comfortable as I do on stage. Thankful for my confidence, both on and off the stage returning to a high. Maybe it has something to do with getting older, but I’m finding myself a lot more at home in my body. I feel like I’m developing a quiet sort of confidence. What does the future hold? In terms of poetry I have a few goals of my own. I want to place emphasis on making, and making for me. I have some workshops and course ideas planned but right now, I’m really enjoying being in this creative period. I want to listen to/read as much poetry as possible, I want to increase my education through courses, I want to be ambitious and lofty with my goals and I want to make work that I seriously enjoy and am proud of. This phase usually feels like the creative honeymoon for me but I am just glad after all this time I am enjoying exploring my ability again. I hope you’re feeling inspired to write and be creative. I hope you’re living your life with as much art in it as possible.

How Things Have Been

It’s been a period of doing. A lot of life happened to me in a short space of time and I found myself thrown into a sea of constant activity. I’ve been doing my best to go with the flow and respond to things as they come up naturally. I’m usually a creature of habit and someone who relishes time alone. I like having my own space to process things.

Lately however, I have been in a state of constant doing. Aside from the urge to retreat inward in order to take stock of things, I actually feel like it has been good for me. Finally the feeling of summer is in the air. I always feel nostalgic this time of year, as it reminds me of something I can never truly put my finger on. A nostalgia from being a teenager maybe; when the summer holidays would seemingly stretch out ahead of me, bursting with potential and wonder, hinting that something outside the mundane was waiting for me, just beyond the horizon. I’ve always struggled to put into words the feeling that summer evokes in me. 

Where have I been? What have I been doing? The answer is a whole lot of living. Spring came and with it brought the sense of lightness I had been craving. New work opportunities, new music, new people, new fashion and a full social calendar burst in to my quiet, grey life and added some colour. It’s almost a shame how jam packed my schedule was at this point because I will never be able to remember or retell all of the magic, chaos and chance meetings fully. But then I think that’s how it was supposed to be. I remember one day walking home from my job, looking at the blossoms on the trees, having to take out my notebook every couple of steps because poetry was just flowing out of me. I felt as though I was on the cusp of something. 

Anyone who knows me will have heard me say that I become a different person in the summer. I mean, I’m me, I’m just lighter somehow. I still don’t feel like I will be able to bottle that sense of magic I was feeling during spring. I wanted so badly to sit down and write about it. Thats the thing with moments like this, sometimes they are just so fleeting. Sometimes you are faced with the choice to wrench yourself out of the moment in order to document it, sometimes you chose to stay in it and allow it to pass by you, as a sheer flicker in time that you will one day hopefully be able to chalk up in your hazy memory. My favourite antidote is when documenting becomes a moment all in itself. That one happens sparingly.

This spring, I found myself faced with a myriad of moments that I wanted to capture, to bottle, to hold in my hands in order to prove to people that they were indeed real. What I did instead, was decide to live through them. Maybe one day my hazy memories will be able to do some of the magic justice. Sometimes you just had to be there. Sometimes no matter how talented you are at storytelling or how great your vocabulary is, sometimes you will never be able to convey the feelings you experienced, to another person.

I think theres some sort of sweet, delicate pain that comes from being a writer. The sensation of not quite being able to grasp the words, conjures up a feeling that is so downright frustrating and yet so dangerously addictive at the same time. 

I haven’t written like this in a long while; it feels more like prose than a blog entry. The last few poems I have written have been commissions which, while great; I cannot remember the last time I wrote something just for me. Life’s scenery has been passing me by so quickly. 

I’m trying to be more independent. I’ve changed a lot. I’ve grown as a person. I feel stronger, I feel more creative, I feel more embodied. I feel harder in some ways, and I feel softer in all the best ways too. I’ve been unearthing things from inside me, and I’ve been feeling lighter & brighter as a result. I still feel heavily effected by my own emotions; learning to navigate this years highs and lows is an art I have not yet mastered. Especially since the past few years have been relatively easy to manage in comparison.

For now however, I’m not going to sweat it. Because as much as “doing the work” is important, sometimes life can be about the little things. Sometimes it doesn’t all have to be so hard. Sometimes it’s about drinking tea in bed and laughing at something stupid with a friend. Sometimes it’s about music, sometimes it’s about a great piece of art, sometimes it’s about someone who gives you their t-shirt to wear. Sometimes life can be about lightness. Sometimes life can be about romance. 

Trying to be mindful and grateful in each and every moment, I’m learning, you guys. 

Maybe I will check in soon. 

Until then, I wish you a summer filled with sunsets & good music.

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For more of what I’ve been doing…

New pictures

New playlist

Peace, love & poetry, Lyndsay xo

How I Sleep

I’ve had a couple of conversations recently with friends who suffer from insomnia or disrupted sleep and it got me thinking about my own sleeping habits. I’m lucky that I tend to sleep really well at night, and while things like insomnia can sometimes be the result of deeper issues that require insight from medical professionals; there are certainly still some things that can be done to create an atmosphere for yourself that promotes better sleep. So here are a few things of mine…

Environment

First of all, I take really good care of my room. I am constantly decluttering and tidying things away. If my room is filled with stuff or piles of laundry then chances are, I’m not going to want to sleep there as much as I usually do. I make an effort to keep things tidy, to hoover regularly and dust down my surfaces. (Having asthma is also a factor here but it means I keep my room clean) Every morning I make sure to open the blinds to let the sunshine in and I like to keep my window a little open to allow for a flow of air too. Things like smudging, crystals and fresh flowers can also help to raise the vibration of a room, clear the energy and create a nourishing space. Whenever my friends come into my room they always tell me that it feels like they are about to get a massage and honestly that relaxing, spa-vibe is always what I’m trying to go for!

Water

I try to shower or take a bath every single night, right before bed. I do this for several reasons, one because there is no better feeling than sliding into bed with clean skin, and two because I genuinely do believe that water helps me neutralise and release any negativity from my day. Bathing at night feels like a sacred ritual to me. I often lean towards a shower but if you wanted an extra relaxing effect, I would suggest a Himalayan salt bath with candles. I take Himalayan salt baths a few times a week and I could write a whole separate post on their benefits.

Routine

We’ve touched on it above but it is really important to have a routine you actually like before going to bed. I very much keep my evenings to myself and have a hard rule that I won’t do any work after tea at night (with maybe the odd exception) my evenings are for myself, so I’m always sure to spend them relaxing! I like to keep the lights really low, no-one wants the buzz of artificial light right before bed, I might light a candle or some incense and find somewhere where I can stretch out and relax. I’m not too strict about staying off my phone at night. That said, when I do use it; the screen brightness is all the way down and nighttime mode is activated (In fact I use it this way at all times, not just during the night.) This might also be a good time for people who have a daily meditation practise (or movement practise/tapping/affirmations/anything like that.) I personally like to do my self-care in the morning but I will sometimes use the night to stretch. There are about 3 yoga stretches that I like to do for my hips and I find them to be great de-stressors. I also have a skincare routine that I really enjoy. While I haven’t spent a lot of money on products, the routine itself still feels luxurious to me. I have a rosehip facial oil that I use at night. Whenever I use this product, it seems to send a signal to my brain that I am ready for bed. Most importantly, I always close off every night the same way; by applying lavender oil to my wrists and taking a deep inhale. Lavender oil is one of the few things I wouldn’t like to live without and can calm me instantly.

Bed

Lets talk about the bed itself! I think it goes without saying that you want to wash your sheets regularly. I try to use more natural washing liquids on my sheets and clothes because really you spend nearly half your life in bed, you don’t want your skin absorbing chemicals during a time where you are supposed to be healing and regenerating. If you have the funds to do so, try and select a bad that is the firmness you want – I love a really firm bed and found my sleep to be so much better since I moved house and bought an amazing mattress. Pick pillows based on their comfort, and have your sheets reflect your personal style. I love a clean white bedspread, I like to layer mine with a fringed light grey blanket and some neural cushions with pom-poms. I’m not gona lie, it looks like a proper grown up bed! I actually feel a bit sophisticated when I’m in there. I’ve heard a lot of Feng Sui practitioners explain that it’s not a good idea to eat/do work etc. in bed and I have to say that I agree with this for the most part. Keep your bed as sacred as possible, pick sheets you love & don’t use it as a dumping ground for laundry etc! If you are reading this now, take this as permission to buy yourself new sheets! You deserve it.

Drink

Not a current habit of mine because I’m mainly too lazy to make a hot drink this close to bedtime! But if I really want a good nights sleep and especially if it’s winter, I will reach for one of several beverages. Firstly chamomile tea should be a staple in anyones homes for anxious emergencies. Secondly; I have a yogi sleep tea and a sleep tea by Pukka. Both caffeine free & organic and I have to say I love them both. Failing these I would bring out the big guns; ashwaganda. You can buy ashwaganda power from many health stores, I just heat up some plant milk and add a small amount. You could also experiment by adding in tumeric, cinnamon, even a dash of cacao (although cacao is known to be quite stimulating) I have grown to love ashwaganda and it really does help me to drift off.

A REAL WARNING: I am not an expert in nutrition, however from my research Ashwaganda is NOT suitable for those who are pregnant. So please, please do your research before introducing anything new into your diet. Plants are powerful!

PJ’s

Having pyjamas that you love and feel cosy is really of the highest importance when attempting to have a comfortable nights sleep. I can buy as many cool-looking pairs of PJ’s as I want but I often find myself gravitating towards the same old t-shirt. Why? Because fabric is important! You want something that feels nice against your skin while reflecting your personal style. Take this as permission to go through your old PJ’s, recycle or donate to charity and treat yourself to some news ones! Be honest yours probably have some sort of stain on or hole in anyway. If you’re one of those lucky people who sleep naked then you can skip this step. I personally find it too cold to do that in England but each to their own!

Gratitude 

This leads me to falling asleep! So you have your nice new PJ’s on, your sliding into your brand-new, clean sheets, cup of ashwaganda in hand, and you’re all ready for a good nights sleep! The last thing that I try to do once the lights are out, while I’m falling asleep is mentally list everything I’m grateful for. I love entering my sleep this way and do genuinely feel more of a sense of contentment from this practise. Bonus points if you write them down before falling asleep. Usually I’m too tired to but I like to list a few things mentally in my head always.

Spiritual

A few more things that I do personally try and do! Firstly I always sleep with a variety of crystals under my pillow – usually selenite or quartz but then I like to experiment with others. Lately I’ve been loving rose quartz, orange calcite and rhodonite for emotional healing. I also tried recently a bit of red jasper for grounding. Have an experiment and see what you think. You can also ask your guides/angels to communicate with you or accelerate your healing via your dreams. (be prepared for things to get a little bit crazy – I don’t do this everyday because I often have quite vivid dreams when I do) you can write some intentions or a prayer and put the paper under your pillow, there really is no limit to how you can harness your sleep as a tool for transformation! Consider keeping a dream diary, it is such an interesting world to explore and I am only really dipping a toe in! I also like to do a bit of reiki on myself during a particularly stressful day as I’m falling asleep but agin this is not for everyone!

I’d love it if you could tell me which of these you do/want to try and if there is anything you feel that I’ve missed! The topic of sleep is so layered and complex but I’ve enjoying putting some of my thoughts on this subject onto paper.

See you in the next

Lyndsay xo

February Favourites

Hello.

It’s been a little while. I’m sure a more pouring-my-soul out blog post is due soon. (There has been A LOT going on) I’m also still in this kind of strange space where I’m not completely happy with the layout of my blog. I’m a little unsure about Salt Water Poetry and where to take it next. I’ve loved the community feel of my events for the last few years. But I also wonder whether I need a separate space for my own personal poetry & thoughts and whether to keep SWP slightly more faceless and more for other people? Big questions! They are maybe not for now to figure out but they are definitely floating in the periphery of my mind always. Anyway spring is near and I’ve been writing some new poems, how exciting. There’s something I love so much about Spring; all the regeneration and colour, it fills me up somehow. With no further ado…. Here are some of the things I have been enjoying this month….

this video by gala darling

I have been squeezing these in in the mornings before work. I love her style and aesthetic. I love knowing that spirituality comes in all different shapes and sizes and this is really Gala being her authentic self! She also has an equally visually pleasing Instagram feed as well.

more tattoo inspiration

Currently researching the perfect tattoo. This one is taking me a while to pin down but the meaning behind it is important to me so I’m trusting that the right artist/situation will materialise soon.

excited to be performing at this event

Technically this is in March, however I’ve been looking forward to it during Feb. Last year, I did an equally exciting radio panel with Beth Slinn, Amina Atiq and Lexia Tomlinson (All brilliant artists in their own right) where we had a very interesting discussion around inclusion, representation and self-love.

this fashion

Picture by: https://butwhatshouldiwear.com/inspiration/

Really big fan of the mom jeans/simple classic style that is going on at the moment. (I know these ones featured are not technically mom jeans but whatever) My style goal is to look classic/put together/comfortable and feminine while sticking to a more neutral palate and this look sums that up perfectly for me.

listening to Billie Eilish 

Apart from these, I have been getting my teeth into a new job, buying lots of flowers, enjoying memorising my new pieces of poetry, I ordered some ceremonial grade cacao from my friend Arktara and I’m currently dreaming up some places in nature for a potential future solo trip. I haven’t done much goal setting lately and I have a lot of idea’s swimming about in my head so I will be spending the rest of my day putting my thoughts into something more tangible!

Which of these favourites did you like the best? What are some things you have loved during this period of time?

See you in the next.

Lyndsay xo 

Featured Image by Vanja Vukelic available to buy as print.

Poet of The Week: Alysia Harris

“I love how all the constellations are named after Greek heroes. It reminds me that, even though immortal, they have vices too.” – Alysia Harris

I came across Alysia Harris years ago. Her poem “Cab Rides & The Morning After” was one of the first spoken word poetry videos I discovered that was cinematic in style. (as opposed to just filming someone performing spoken word, this was more like a music video. It was the exact type of film I wanted to create for my own work. Evocative, deeply sensual with a sometimes hard edge; Alysia manages to capture beautifully those elusive moments that usually slip through your fingers faster than you have time to hold onto them. I love how she blends her work with music, I find that style of collaboration the most entrancing when done well. I watch a lot, a lot, a lot of spoken word poetry; both online and in real life and I would say there is real power within this woman’s work, the way it grabs you by the belly and forces you to listen. I think there is something we can all learn from this level of honesty. I imagine myself sitting back and listening to all of this on a moody evening, wearing silk, with a glass of red in my hand. (I am currently sat in my pj’s during the day on a weekday as I write this but I so desperately don’t want to ruin the mood that this poetry evokes!) Enjoy the following selection of poems!

Which one was your favourite? I feel like I still have to say “Cab Rides & The Morning After” because it was the first one of hers I ever heard! But I also am a sucker for anything  Drake so Doing it Wrong is a close second. As I’m feeling inspired, I may take this opportunity to write something of my own. If this is the same for you, I’d love to see what you create!

Until the next time..

Lyndsay xo

Don’t forget you can check out Alysia’s site here.

Current Favourites

It’s been a big ole month for me. Maybe I will sum it up in a later post. December was big, January was big and now finally with February I am feeling fresh energy. The haze is being cleared from the path, allowing me to see the way. I have some things to look forward to, I have my February intentions and I am bedding down further into my spiritual practise. I wish you a month of memories and getting shit done. For now, on a more material plane, here are some of my favourites.

Ruffles & block colours

Full Moon Magic

by Casey Weldon

Butterfly Tattoo Inspiration

 

My Vibes Playlist

This poem/quote by Maryam Hasnaa

“do you have stars in your mouth. yes I tell him, come see. Will i die, he asked. yes i tell him, every time”

And that’s it! What have you been loving so far this month? February is always a bit of a favourite for me, it’s a shorter month, spring feels round the corner and I’m actually a fan of valentines day! I’ve got my tickets to a full moon self-love ritual with Lost Cosmos, I’m writing more poetry and while I have a full work schedule to navigate, I’m really enjoying the sense of fresh energy.

Peace, love & poetry

Lyndsay xo